'Matchbox: The Movie': IP exploitation hits a new low
Courtesy of Apple TV+
Have you ever wondered about the origins of the Matchbox car? The nifty little toy was conceived after its inventor’s daughter was told she could only bring something to school that could fit inside a matchbox. It’s a charming bit of history, and one that’s spoon-fed to the audience within the opening minutes of the aptly titled “Matchbox: The Movie,” a tired exercise in IP exploitation that seems to have learned all the wrong lessons from the success of “Barbie.” Whereas Greta Gerwig found wit, charm, and a surprising degree of self-awareness within another piece of Mattel merchandise, this latest attempt to turn a toy into a cinematic franchise has almost none of those qualities. Instead, we’re treated to a C-tier “Fast and Furious” knockoff that barely understands the appeal of the product it’s supposed to be celebrating. For a movie built around miniature cars that once encouraged children to imagine entire worlds, there’s remarkably little imagination under the hood.
Director Sam Hargrave, who previously demonstrated a knack for muscular, propulsive action with the “Extraction” films, manages to squeeze a few decent-sized stunt sequences out of the proceedings, but even his technical proficiency can only take this material so far. David Coggeshall’s screenplay is another matter entirely, struggling to balance the demands of a globe-trotting espionage thriller with an increasingly sentimental story about childhood friendships and the bonds that endure into adulthood. Neither side is particularly convincing. Between the forced dad puns, the strained camaraderie among an ensemble led by John Cena, Jessica Biel, Arturo Castro, and Sam Richardson, and a convoluted story that takes itself far more seriously than it should, “Matchbox: The Movie” never finds a personality beyond the familiar action-movie machinery it’s so desperately trying to imitate.
Perhaps younger viewers who enjoy Cena’s particular brand of goofy, muscle-bound heroism will find something to latch onto, but parents may find themselves wondering when this thing is actually going to heat up. The premise is certainly ridiculous enough to invite some playful absurdity, following a group of childhood friends whose shared affection for Matchbox cars eventually gives way to an international espionage adventure involving the CIA and a stolen nuclear warhead. Yet the film treats this outlandish progression with such misplaced sincerity that it becomes increasingly difficult to tell whether the filmmakers are in on the joke. There’s nothing inherently wrong with taking a silly premise seriously, provided the characters and circumstances are compelling enough to justify the investment. Here, the screenplay seems to mistake having a sentimental backstory for giving its characters an emotional foundation.
The opening sequence introduces the great Bill Camp as Cal Smalley, a small-town mechanic saddled with some of the cheesiest dialogue imaginable as he waxes poetic about the magic of Matchbox cars and their ability to bring children together. He’s the uncle of young Aimee (who grows up to be Biel) and a surrogate father figure to Sean (Cena), whose childhood friendship with Aimee and their neighborhood pals supposedly forms the emotional backbone of the movie. Camp does what he can with the material, but the scene is so preoccupied with explaining the importance of these toys that it forgets to actually demonstrate their appeal. Curiously, for a movie so insistent on the formative power of Matchbox cars, we hardly see anyone playing with them. We’re simply expected to accept that these miniature vehicles forged an unbreakable bond among a group of kids, a connection the film will spend the next two hours trying unsuccessfully to convince us still matters.
Years later, Sean has become a CIA operative, while his old friends have drifted into their respective adult lives. The death of Smalley brings them back together, and before long, they’re swept into a dangerous mission involving a nuclear warhead and a conspiracy within Sean’s own government ranks. Naturally, someone on the inside is dirty, although the screenplay does such a poor job concealing the culprit that the eventual revelation will be seen from a mile away. It’s a painfully familiar setup, borrowing the mechanics of countless better action thrillers without finding a particularly clever way to distinguish itself. Worse still, the reunion that should give the story some emotional weight feels like little more than an excuse to assemble a group of recognizable actors and send them careening from one elaborate set piece to the next.
That would be easier to forgive if the cast had more to work with, but Coggeshall’s script is so aggressively hokey that even this likable ensemble struggles to generate much chemistry. Castro’s Ted gets a gag involving an attempted recreation of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s shotgun-wielding motorcycle stunt from “Terminator 2: Judgment Day,” while the rest of the crew trade groan-inducing one-liners and dispatch anonymous goons. Hargrave occasionally injects some much-needed physicality into the action, but too many sequences are undermined by conspicuous digital effects, including a climactic moment involving Cena dangling from the side of a helicopter that looks especially unconvincing. The film wants the spectacle and swagger of a “Fast and Furious” installment without understanding that those movies, at their best, derive much of their appeal from the personalities and relationships of the people behind the wheel.
It’s an especially glaring shortcoming once “Matchbox: The Movie” attempts to shift into a more emotionally grounded gear. The characters eventually find themselves at a crossroads that demands some difficult decisions and a reckoning with the reality of their situation, but the film hasn’t put in nearly enough work to make those moments resonate. We’re repeatedly told that these people share a history worth protecting, yet there’s precious little warmth, affection, or believable familiarity among them. Their supposed lifelong friendship exists primarily as exposition rather than something that can be felt through their interactions. As a result, the stakes remain razor-thin, and even Cena, whose natural charisma can often salvage otherwise disposable material, can’t muster enough conviction to sell the sentiment.
Cena can certainly throw a punch, and Biel brings a welcome physical presence to the action, but the larger problem with “Matchbox: The Movie” is that there’s no discernible reason for it to be a Matchbox movie in the first place. Strip away the branding, a few nostalgic references, and the opening history lesson, and you’re left with an utterly generic action thriller populated by forgettable characters, predictable betrayals, and dialogue that sounds recycled from a dozen other movies. There’s no distinctive visual identity, no meaningful exploration of the toys’ appeal, and certainly no attempt to translate the imaginative possibilities of Matchbox cars into something uniquely cinematic. The film seems to believe that simply invoking childhood nostalgia is enough to justify its existence, when nostalgia should be the starting point for a story rather than its entire creative engine.
At least the forthcoming “Hot Wheels” movie (Lord help us) has a recognizable aesthetic to work with, from the outrageous vehicle designs to those iconic orange tracks. What, exactly, distinguishes Matchbox beyond the name stamped on the packaging? That’s a question this movie never bothers to answer, which makes the whole enterprise feel less like an affectionate tribute to a beloved toy line and more like a corporate mandate to squeeze another recognizable brand onto the screen. For all the talk about Hollywood scraping the bottom of the intellectual property barrel, “Matchbox: The Movie” suggests there may still be a few more feet to dig. And if this is the standard for what qualifies as a viable movie franchise, I shudder to think what Mattel will roll off the assembly line next.
Grade: D
MATCHBOX: THE MOVIE streams on Apple TV+ Friday, October 9.
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