‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot’ review: The eighties take over Cornwell dinner theater

Courtesy of Cornwell Dinner Theater

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If you’ve ever wished you could mainline the entire 1980s while scarfing down turkey, mashed potatoes, and gravy, Cornwell’s summer musical “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” is your new favorite mixtape. This original production is a slaptastic, neon-drenched fever dream of big hair, bigger air-guitar riffs, and a plot that feels like “Saw” got drunk watching VH1’s “I Love the 80s.”

Don’t think too hard about the story (you’ll sprain something). But for the record: a group of actors (played with fierce, game energy by Shea Grande, Stephen Sandham, and Audrey Turnage) arrive thinking they’re auditioning for a movie musical. Some think it’s “Cocoon,” others “The Breakfast Club,” but all end up locked in a dungeon-esque basement fortress, the scenic design seems to indicate that, though let’s be honest, it’s more “Double Dare” soundstage than medieval horror, by the mysterious Gennifer X (a wickedly funny Love Ruddell).

Gennifer X’s whole deal? She’s a Gen X-er on a mission to teach Gen Z the importance of real culture — namely, the culture of the 1980s. If these poor suckers can’t prove they know their Springsteen from their Madonna, they’ll be trapped there forever, alongside Gennifer’s sad, twitchy minion, the Devotee (a scene-stealing Thaddeus Williamson). The only escape? Survive a series of nostalgic trivia challenges and sing iconic ’80s hits — lyrics completely intact — from sheer muscle memory. Miss a word, flub a line, and it’s game over. (Cue “Pac-Man” death sound effect.)

Naturally, the characters protest that they barely know the decade, until, somehow, they all belt out “Jessie’s Girl” without missing a syllable. Again: don’t ask questions, just go with it, like we all did when Marty McFly invented rock n’ roll in “Back to the Future.”

What the thin plot lacks in logic, the cast more than makes up for with high-octane performances and unrelenting charm. Grande is hysterical throughout and crushes “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” with all the melodrama of a “General Hospital” cliffhanger. Sandham is the show’s secret MVP, especially during a roof-raising rendition of the aforementioned “Jessie’s Girl” that practically turns into an aerobics video with better choreography.

Williamson’s delivery of the “McDonald’s Menu Song” is so sharp it might make you forget your own order at the drive-thru, while Turnage has a laugh-out-loud bit involving a cassette tape and an unsuspecting audience member. And though they are unseen for much of the show, when Ruddell’s Gennifer X finally takes the stage to deliver a rowdy “Footloose”-worthy version of the titular “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.” Joan Jett would be proud.

Director/choreographer Jennifer J. Hopkins keeps the pacing brisk and the dance numbers tight, and music director Dan Sander-Wells adds smart flourishes to the arrangements. including a killer mash-up, among others, of “Born in the USA” and “Material Girl.” Scenic designer Sky Aguilar brings the dungeon to life with clever touches like a giant Rubik’s Cube that lights up when pressed, plus a massive tiger head that opens up center stage like something straight out of “Thundercats.” Marley Boone’s costumes, all leg warmers, acid wash, and fringe, are spot-on, like a time capsule from the Mötley Crüe tour bus.

If you’re craving nostalgia, need a break from the sweltering summer heat, or just want an afternoon where you can pretend Blockbuster is still around the corner, “Hit With Your Best Shot” hits all the right notes. It’s goofy, it’s campy, it’s a little nonsensical, but like a perfectly worn VHS tape, it still plays great. Plus, you’ll never hear 867-5309 without wanting to call it… on your landline.

IF YOU GO: 

HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT continues through August 9th at Turkeyville Cornwell Dinner Theater. Reservations can be made here.