'Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom' review: Lame DC adventure sleeps with the fishes

Courtesy of Warner Bros.

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There’s something oddly poetic about how the plot of “Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom” revolves around a fallen empire gasping for its last shot at relevance. It’s emblematic of the DC Cinematic Universe, which, let’s be honest, never really found its stride as “The Lost Kingdom” marks the final nail in the coffin before the new brass reboot it in 2025. You can sense the lack of urgency throughout “Aquaman 2” as it’s evident nobody really seemed interested in this project, except for lead star Jason Momoa who is trying to inject some life into what’s presumably his last time wielding the golden trident. 

On some level, “The Lost Kingdom” is exactly what you’d expect: the script is pure nonsense, there’s several unfunny gags, and it possesses the visual effect prowess of something you’d play on the Playstation 2 in 2004. So, I'd suspect the DC completionists out there will more than likely get their fill, which makes writing a review somewhat counterintuitive. You’re either going to see this movie, or you’re not. I really doubt there’s an inbetween. Still, if you must know how I endured this two-hour snooze fest, please read on at your leisure. 

It’s crazy to think a year ago we were blessed with one of the most visceral and immersive movie-going experiences of a generation with “Avatar: The Way of Water.” A film that set the bar for how to film digital underwater sequences, which, it turns out, involves filming scenes underwater. What a concept! You won’t be shocked to know “The Lost Kingdom” didn’t film its sequences underwater, in fact, I’m not sure they even shot them on land as half of the sludge could very well have been A.I generated. 

Perhaps the screenplay by David Leslie Johnson-McGoldnick’s also solicited some ChatGPT for aid in the plotting considering “The Lost Kingdom” is a very busy movie. It’s almost like director James Wan knew this was the last straw and if he wanted to explore any untapped worlds or villains, now was the time. The vast, expansive plot introduces a wide range of characters, creatures, political factions, and even Aquaman’s adorable offspring and then completely forgets about them in lieu of an eventual showdown with the film’s big baddie, David Kane (Yaya Abdul-Mateen II) a.k.a Blank Manta. Oh, did you forget about him? No worries, the movie begins with one of those half-assed narrations that catches audiences up to speed because, obviously, we’re not going to remember what happened in the 2018 predecessor, which may as well have been a half-century ago. 

Mantra is out for vengeance after witnessing the newly anointed King of Atlantis leave his father for dead, and he’ll do whatever he can to achieve it. Including unearthing remnants of a hidden kingdom, namely something called Orichalcum, a magical goo that, more or less, causes global warming. Mantra also discovers a black trident that causes him to be possessed by another baddie named Necrus, who was the leader of the fallen kingdom and needs someone to do their evil bidding. You know, bad guy stuff. 

This forces Aquaman to team up with his imprisoned brother, Orm (Patrick Wilson) who is giving Tom Hanks in “Cast Away” when he’s busted out, but don’t worry, he gains muscles once reconnected with the water, because that’s just how it works in this universe! You really feel for Wilson throughout the movie as he’s reduced to unspooling mountains of exposition and eating cockroaches for a laugh. 

All he does is grumble, moan, and then complain about being ousted for the throne by his half-brother. Elsewhere, Amber Heard, despite having third billing, says approximately three words during the whole thing and Nicole Kidman tries keeping a straight face while delivering lines like: “This could lead to total global annihilation.” Shout-out to Martin Short for being the only watchable element in this trash heap, voicing a fish pirate who crosses paths with Aquaman midway through the movie.

This all leads to lame superhero mashups with some of the worst needle drops in recent memory (clearly, they watched “Guardians of the Galaxy” a few too many times). “The Lost Kingdom” is dull, dark, and tonally all over the place and even goes as far as to knock off “Iron Man” in the final moments. Sure, there’s statements involving climate change and it tries fostering a message of unity, not to mention Wan’s last minute desperation of throwing horror nods into the movie can be inspired, but “The Lost Kingdom” ends this era of the DC universe where it was always destined to land: rock bottom. 

Grade: D+ 

AQUAMAN AND THE LOST KINGDOM is now playing in theaters.